Sticky&Sweet memory

I woke up at 5 a.m. on 5th August in Helsinki. Madonna was due to have a concert in West Harbor on 6th. The concert had sold some 85 000 tickets and I wanted to make sure that I got to the front row. Madonna had never before toured in Finland. I even considered not going to the gig, because I should be the one traveling to see Madonna, not M touring for me. She is the diva and fans should follow her all over the world. She should not sacrifice herself for us. I mean - I would love it if she had more things going on with her fans, but she is the queen.

The reason I wanted to be a front row bitch is The view, The feeling and The best people! The atmosphere is nuts in the front row. We are all Her slaves. If someone calls me crazy, because of Madonna, I take that as a compliment! People have always called me mad for what I do. I don't care. I love it. I stayed queueing for four hours without any company. There were still over 30 hours to go..

I was surprised as I noticed that there were 10 fans queueing at 6 p.m. on 5th August. We (10 people) considered that as an insult. It's Madonna. Only 10 great fans in Finland? How weird is that?! By night the queue had grow to 30-40 people and we started to distribute bracelets. It was not a surprise that there were some small fights about the queueing order... It was kind of naive, because we were just 30 and we would all get to the front row. Anyway, I understand that it's about life and death on line.

It was just 1-2 hours before the gates opening when M started rehearsals. She was late from the schedule and we were allowed to go to the section A 30 minutes late. When I heard the intro of Candy Shop, I couldn't help crying. Snot flowing from my nose, face all red I put my hands on my face and thought "Oh gosh... She is REALLY there! She is in FINLAND! And I am the FIRST one going to the area... What a CRAZY thing... This will be the two hours moment in two years when I get to see her live!" I called my sister and tried to say a simple sentence "Madonna is having a rehearsal right now and we can hear her singing Music, Candy Shop, Frozen...", but I could only spell one word after another, periods between the words. My sister is always the one who gets the "rehearsal call" so I'm sure she knew this time what was going on. That's why the call was hilarious at the same time

Now we were in the section A, also known as the golden circle. It was full of people. The stage was so high that I had to stand (jump and dance, too!) on my boyfriend's backpack. Guy Oseary took a picture of me as I was the first on on line. I thought Madonna had wanted to wait until the sunset, but the Candy Intro begun already at 9.40 p.m! I think the intro didn't look as cool as it would have looked in the dark. Candy Shop did not "explode" in my eyes like the last time I saw it in Paris in 2008.

I would like to stop writing here, because I can't find words for the next 2 hours. Something phenomenal was jumping, singing, shining and dancing in front of my eyes. Some kind of a light from a surreal world. She had (still has) a perfect body, smiling face, strong voice and exciting appearance. There I could see my life in flesh for two hours. She was really moving and living and not captured by a photographer in a poster. I can't believe that she has owned me 2-3 seconds of her life as she gave me a look when I took my t-shirt off during Give It 2 Me. She really watched me for a while. I had a wonderful time and got some crazy pictures. I just can't wait for the next tour!

Deeper and deeper.

Madonna is never the same. There are many Madonnas in Madonna and a large scale of ways one can categorize Madonna. She is a friend, superstar, mother, benefactor, whore, saint, business woman and so on. I never really understood those fans who told me they preferred Madonna in the 80's. I mean that she is much cooler and more self-confident nowadays. I have always loved Madonna and her productions of the 00's. Madonna looked too messy for my taste in the 80's. Now I have understood that that style was just all about being cool in more ways than one and we are never going to get that Madonna back. It is all different now.

In the beginning of her career she said that money doesn't matter anything to her, it's just all about fame. I believe it was that way when she sang her early recordings. Madonna broke the sexual boundary in media/music business and sang songs that did not really have any deeper meaning. She was living wild and daring. Even though her music was repeating few sentences over and over again the songs were about celebration and having good time. She had great time singing. It's like Michael Jackson - if you have a look at the Human Nature video you can see the joy on his face. Of course Madonna is still enjoying singing her songs, but it was little different in the 80's. She was doing it for fun (and fame?). My opinion is that you can hear the money nowadays even in her music.

I am claiming here that Madonna has become too aware of money these days. If you compare Madonna on her music videos/tours twenty years ago to today you may understand what I mean here. She has become too commercialized. She has plenty of merchandise and you can buy almost everything but Madonna herself. It's all on sale. People have said that she is a true business woman which must be so true. I think it is just sad. She is a huge star.

On allaboutmadonna.com it says that Madonna has been offered a deal of one billion dollars for Vegas residency deal which means five years touring for her in Vegas for an enormous amount of money. This may be a rumor, but it is an interesting one. I can not think of Madonna touring in the same place for that long time even for one billion. She would not take it. The only reason why she could accept it would be the money. Las Vegas is a place for perfect people so she would not endure it. She needs a creative, interesting (and posh) circle around her.

As a conclusion I would like to say that finally I have understood one reason to why people prefer M in the 80's. It may not be the only reason, but the commercialization may have had an effect. I have always been a fan of millenium Madonna, but this money-seeking attitude is getting on my nerves. I am not saying that I do not like Madonna's music in the 00's. I find it groovy, provoking in a good way and exciting. She is a true queen no matter what and she just can't avoid the money. I only wish she wouldn't take too much advantage of it or at least let it show. She is a product, but we don't want to let the money to rule her production, do we? Unfortunately that has happened already... Well the lady loves fame and money. Oh what am I talking about!? I guess I forgot she admits it even herself - the Material Girl :)

I'm not your bitch - don't hang your shit on me.

As you may have seen I have been on a vacation for A WHILE and have not updated my blog. Oh whatever.

Now that I have paid less attention to Madonna on the past few months I have actually moved a lot ahead in my life. I hate the fact that less I pay attention to Madonna more I advance in my own life. I could dedicate my life to Madonna, but that would mean that I would not have anything else than her in my adventures. She has been the reason to why I do certain things for a long time, but now after ten years I have started to think about myself. Is it selfish to think about myself for instance? I guess not. This is what she would want me to do: to make the most of my life. Unfortunately, I am not THAT mad for her that I would give my life to her 100%. Eventually I think there must be very little of fans who do, think, are, listen and act nothing but Madonna.

All this means that from now on I am not thinking about her in the first place. This is painful for me to admit. I have been travelling a lot this summer. I have seen some truly nice Madonna items, but surprisingly I have not felt the inevitable need of buying all that. I feel guilty and disappointed at myself. People then ask me what's wrong with me when I am not buying a magazine only because there's Madonna on its cover. Well... I have started to see things differently. I guess it just would not make a difference whether I buy it or not. Scary, but nowadays it's all about the spirit between Madonna and me. I still go "oh my..." if someone asks me a stupid Madonna question. I still want to keep it all to myself. I still feel guilty not knowing how to dance M's songs. I still walk very proud on the streets knowing that She is my queen. There are none stars who make me feel this honoured and gives me a sort of "big balls"-feeling. Yeah, I still feel like I have the biggest balls on the street when thinking, listening or seeing Madonna. I guess the feeling must be quite mutual among M fans :D

What happened with the "I can spend a month without listening to M's music"? Well, I suppose now having written the previous chapters you may guess I did succeed.

So what is now left with me and Madonna? I got a nice new studying place near to Helsinki and very nice contacts for future. Madonna has been there mentally pushing me to do all this. I could not have done it thinking "I am Madonna, she is me and we are one" so that's why I have to shut that attitude in a box at times. It makes my balls grow too big once in a while and that makes me too self-confident looking bitch. And no one would like to hire a bitch, right? Except if it's Madonna herself.

If you don't like my attitude, then you can f*ck off.

I bought high, black boots. They look just like the ones that Madonna wore on Hung Up music video, Sticky&Sweet-, Re-Invention - and Confessions Tour. The boots can look sluttish or stylish. That is to say, I may look like a bitch or a stylish young lady. To me Madonna has never looked like a slut when she was wearing the boots. Today, I was standing on a bus stop. There were a few grandmas. Some of them stared me longer than usual. Some middle-aged ladies gazed me as well. I was wondering what they were thinking about. Did they see me as a whore or a piece of modern art? I have no idea. I gently smiled at them.

I wonder why people feel so intimidated and frightened when talking about sex. Is sex inferior to them? I bet they enjoy sex as much as normal people do, or if they don't, they must have some mental problems (a different lifestyle or such) with it. I don't understand why these less sexual people judge Madonna's provocative attitude. Sex is as universal as music. We all do it. We all have sex, we all enjoy music as well.

I'm very keen on a Finnish comic called Fingerpori. I have never really liked any comic book, but this one really makes me laugh. Fingerpori's humor comes from sex, Finnish weird language and everyday life jokes. Pervert jokes for short. A reader's feedback says "This is so INFERIOR!". If we think about the feedback, the reader must consider all the Fingerpori's fans as uncivilized people. I consider the feedback giver as a boring (funny, too) person. Madonna's performances and presence are often considered unrespectful and mediocre. Does that make me a person who has a bad taste? Or the other way around, does the comment make the feedback giver a dull person? People judge each other for everything, because we are all different. It's just staggering how there are a few things that strongly relates us, but then again, makes us angry and scared (music, sex, religion). Like I have said, we all live the same religion. We all have same sex - it just varies a little, because some like it some other way.

Never know how much I love you.

I got out of the buying-Madonna-stuff-without-a-break feeling/thing! Now I'm having a comfortable pause and concentrating on other things. I still record M covers and follow daily news, but right now there is something more interesting than dedicating my whole time to M: Lady GaGa. Her attitude and look is so close to M that I don't feel sad about giving some extra attention to GaGa. I know this will be again another one month romance that will wash away... I may have some "one night stands", but Madonna never looses her status.

Every time M launches a new single, tour or book, I feel little distressed, because I know I have to go and buy it. I have to have a Madonna money account, isn't that just weird? Some money put aside for the woman who has a fortune estimated over 400 million dollars. Let's take the picture discs (vinyl's and LP's): my first picture disc was 4 Minutes. I bought a LP player to play those recordings and noticed that the quality of the picture discs just sucks. Madonna sounds more man-like than usually and the song does not play perfectly. I admit that the discs look great, but if that is all, do I really have to support them? I have now 4-5 picture discs and none of them play without a problem. Has someone noticed this problem too?

I live in a love and hate relationship with Madonna competitions. I have taken part to many of them and had this particular problem two times - the problem of not reading the rules well enough. I have failed two times and those regretful times have always been big: winning tickets to Paris to see her and winning a Celebration ultra rare box set (worth approximately 3000 dollars). I won the Paris competition twice, but did not get the chance to join the trip as I was underage (it was written on the rules with a tiny front, how very kind). On the Celebration competition I didn't read the following sentence: give your answer after the "toot"-voice. I wish I could learn the lesson now, because I don't need to experience this feeling anymore.

I just read the new Rolling Stones which has Madonna on its cover. The interviewer Austin Scaggs asks if the Material Girl feels materialistic. Madonnas chosen words are: "I'm resourceful, and if I ended up in a log cabin in the middle of the forest, that would work too. These things are not mandatory for my happiness". I believe that Madonna would not honestly be able to live in a forest in a random cottage. I mean... has she ever even tried to live that kind of life after moving to NYC for the first time? I like the idea of Maddy being happy without the Frida paintings and luxurious houses around the world, but would it really be possible? Her religion teaches her to think that way and I really like the message, but let's face it: she is the most famous woman in the world etc... Does this "I could live in a forest" sound at all unrealistic in your ear?

Is Madonna's life a revolver? Should we let it bang bang?

People react to my addiction in different ways. Some people reacts to my passion as if it was something evil: wasting money and time and not doing anything really essential (e.g. learn to make good food). I guess I have some simple and deeper reasons to my addictions. Recently I have begun to consider the effect of my parent's divorce: the love I got from my parent's got weaker as they were putting all their energy to mourning and my father's love to me begun to fade little by little. I wonder why fathers seem to become so helpless after a divorce that they don't keep much contact with their children. Anyway, some love was missing and I needed something strong and permanent. It was the year of 1997 when my parents got divorced and 1998 when I discovered Madonna. It took a year to figure out that she was (is) something special and magnificent. In 1999 I was her girl and still am. She has given me love when I needed it the most and less when I didn't. That sounds like a religion again: some people get their extra support from God, some get it from Madonna. Am I wrong?

I feel sad when people take my addiction as something useless and not essential. I think Madonna is extremely essential for my mental life. Some people get happy by making good food, some people feel great by listening/buying/experiencing Madonna. My passion may not be as conductive and useful as some serious life-skills, but I am sure that Madonna has learnt me many lessons about life and myself. She has also got me singing, more artistic, open-minded and happy. What an egocentric passion, isn't it?! You can share your very nice handmade meal with others, but my passion can't be divided. I mean, actually it doesn't go like that, because my friends and acquaintances get much of happiness and energy through my passion. I remember them feeling true happiness when I was the first one on line in Madonna's Helsinki concert, took part in a TV program to compete about Madonna, won any competition about M, did anything wicked and funny Madonna related. The result is that my addiction can be divided just like any other "essential" passion.

I have recorded now five Madonna songs (American Life, Like A Virgin, Don't Tell Me, Live To Tell and You'll See) and I'm very excited about them! I would LOVE to publish them on the internet for curiosity. It's bizarre how much I think about the result when recording. I have been wondering whether to use Madonna's or my own singing style. In the other hand, I would like to re-invent the songs in my style, but then again, I would like to do it like Madonna does. Nevertheless, it's truly hard to step into Madonna's boots as they are deeper than any other's. I chose to put my own tune into the songs and not to copy her in an unsuccessful way. However, no matter I make my own tune, I want to sound little madonnalicious. Who wouldn't?

When I sing I feel free!

I had to put the Celebration video shooting aside as I realised that I can actually record some Madonna covers on my iMac. I have some instrumental versions. I guess my neighbors will blackmail me when they get tired with my singing sessions... I have to admit that I didn't sound as cool as I had thought with the rap part of American Life. I had always thought that it would be just my thing, but I didn't sound convincing. Is it because I don't have "three nannies, an assistant, a driver and a jet, a trainer and a butler, a bodyguard or five" as the song goes?

I make covers only on the original songs, I don't accept karaoke versions or such, because it would sound too naive. I wish I could put my covers on the internet (http://drownedworld.skyrock.com), but I guess I don't have the right to publish them. I'll just have to burn a few copies to friends.

I got the Celebration cd + dvd from Amazon! Yesterday I also received the Sticky & Sweet tour book 2009 and official calendar (2009)!

Something funny happened on the day the Celebration cd was published in Finland! I went to the department store called Stockmann and if you bought the cd from that place you had also got the Celebration poster. As I had ordered my copy from Amazon, I didn't want to buy it from Stockmann to just get the poster. I gave the salesman a self-confident gaze and opened my mouth. After discussing for 5min about why should I get the poster for free and without buying the cd, he gave the poster to me saying "let's keep it secret". I was so happy. The salesman made my day. Not only because he gave the poster, but he also promised to give the Celebration t-shirt he was wearing. Unbelievable!

There is a Madonna competition on the tv channel MTV3 where you can win a Celebration (special edition) and all Madonna albums, dvd's etc. The special edition is not available on any store all over the world. It is only available on competitions/special cases. Anyway, I took part to the competition and won the Celebration album (no matter I have it already!). We'll see if I win also the special one and all the other albums, books and dvd's (that I have already). Funny! Just can't wait!

Madonna would be surprisingly good for you.

I have never really been into Evita. I have watched the movie for twice, but it has never impressed me even though people speak about its grandeur. I think it's Madonna's best movie and her singing voice is soft and clean, but the film doesn't touch me that much. Nevertheless, yesterday I was listening to Madonna Goom radio on the internet (I discovered the radio for one week ago - it's like made for me!) and they played I'd Be Surprisingly Good for You from Evita soundtrack. I had to stop all I was doing and listen to it carefully. Her singing talent has increased a lot during Evita. That is the time she was constantly taking singing lessons. If you compare Erotica and Ray Of Light by her voice's aspect, you know perhaps what I'm talking about. I love I'd Be Surprisingly Good for You, You Must Love Me and Lament. I mean, on this week I will be listening to Evita more than ever. Madonna surprises me all the time. I discover herself more and more...

People ask me that am I ever getting tired with listening to her music. Usually those people haven't even seen the cover of Bedtime Stories or Erotica album and aren't at all aware of how much music Madonna has recorded... Her music has sold over 200 million copies worldwide. Madonna's music varies album after another: there are sounds for all kinds of feelings: provocative, soft, horny, disco, religious,happy, mysterious, encouraging, teaching... There have been times when I have stopped listening to Madonna for a while. Those moments have taken place usually when I have figured out a new artist such as Lady GaGa or Duffy.

I love making videos on iMac. I got quite enthusiastic with Madonna's Celebration video with all the fans dancing and dressed as M. I love the way M fans get enhustiasted when something like this happens (a new M competition, music video and so on). In Celebration video there is a fan licking a picture of Madonna, a fan carrying a huge cross and "even" men dressed as Madonna. I still haven't found any straight M superfan... Anyway, I really like the video, because of the atmosphere. Those fans are so crazy for her. I want to make a similar video. I'm planning how I should realise it.

Why the most Madonna's male fans are gay? I think it is simply because she is so strong and has more guts than many other artist/woman. She is also very feminine and attractive, but then again, at the same time, masculine. I listened a radio interview on this topic that was recorded on 2008 in San Francisco. Madonna made a conclusion: "if they can't have me, they don't want any woman. No man can have sex with anyone but me... and since I don't have that kind of time in my hands... well they are all gay".

The wicked side of being a fan.

I wonder why talking about Madonna makes me often so narcissistic that I do not want to share any details with other people. I know that sharing is caring, but... One guy just asked me on the internet what are the best Madonna internet pages I know. I felt like something had squeezed my heart. The reason must be that the guy, who by the way "likes" Madonna, would not ever guess how much pain I have put to find my top 5 Madonna sites. I told him few good sites, and few only. I know I can't own Madonna, but sometimes I let people find the answers by themselves so that I would know if they were serious or not. I don't want my knowledge to get wasted with people who don't really care about the answer. For some reason, I never say that face to face with someone who I consider as that kind of person. I guess you know why.

The atmosphere is incredible when M's concert is about to begin. One thing I didn't like about Jätkäsaari (The West Harbour - the place where Madonna performed in Helsinki) was the light. I think the concert should have started after the sunset, because the whole show started with an intro that was built on screen. The intro didn't look as magnificent as it did in Paris in 2008 when it was all dark. I have never seen Madonna doing a show in sunlight. I wonder why she didn't wait for the sunset, because the Sticky & Sweet show includes plenty of visual effects built on screen. In Paris the beginning was clear as all light got quickly switched off, but in Helsinki I didn't notice immediately what happened.

Madonna has a few juicy merchandise that I have problems with: Hard Candy Special Edition with some candies inside and a Confessions Tour Program with stickers (the picture above). We are discussing on Madonna's official fanclub called Icon about whether to eat the candies or use the stickers or not. On the other hand, I would love to eat all the candies and feel so "sticky and sweet", but then again, I can't, because I collect those items and I don't want the items to be incomplete! I think we have no other choice than buy two copies of HC Special Edition!? I would also love to have one Confessions sticker in my wallet. Unfortunately, the sticker page would look stupid with one missing.

I'm already making plans of how my own house would look like. My mother thinks it's unnecessary to save plastic Madonna bags (those I got from tours / collaborations for H&M). She doesn't like to find those among my clothes in the closet. I would like to put the Confessions and Sticky & Sweet plastic bags on my wall one day as well as more cd's and vinyls. The greatest plan I have is to buy a huge Madonna canvas and put it in my living-room. I'm talking about an artistic canvas, not a low-quality one. I would be so happy in my Madonna cave... I can imagine myself sneaking all around kissing the plastic bags wearing a cone bra. How about that?!

Is she a religion?

People often come to ask me what will I do when Madonna dies one day. This is a question they are really eager to hear. Something that has never been asked from her: the trickiest question, the one that pushes the trigger. I felt confused the first time I heard this question: is SHE technically going to die one day? Isn't she immortal? I couldn't answer the question, because I hadn't yet thought about it. Now I can tell that icons aren't actually going to die ever, which is the only true answer one can expect from a true fan. Madonna has grown herself long and powerful roots that have dug deep in the Earth. That is why M isn't going to be washed away.

I get a chance to see her performing live for two hours in two years and I never want to miss those chances. They are extremely important to me. The concerts are moments when I can experience my life in flesh for only two hours. The moments are as holy as going to church is for someone, except you can go to church whenever you want - it's not up to the church. My church isn't open as often as I would like to. My religion is limited.

Fans call their idols gods. I really don't believe in God. He/She is too surreal and difficult to handle. Anyway, I go to church a lot, which is about twice a month, because my friends hang out there. We are able to spend time together in a lot of young people's camps that the church organizes. Isn't that ironic that I go approximately two times per month to the church without actually believing in Him? I have started to think about that even if I live after God's will and still don't believe in The Thing, does it really make me a bad person? I guess it does as I refuse to believe in God. However, I believe in Madonna. She is a true goddess to me. I feel like the concerts are what Mecca gathering is to Islamic people. I believe that we all have the same God after all and we are just analyzing His/Her will differently. Madonna has made me different person compared to what I would be without her. I consider myself as a strong person even if other people tell me every now and then that they find me shy and withdrawn.

It's amazing how she makes me smile again with her music when I'm feeling down. I remember having been super sad and then listening Hung Up. It takes about five minutes to make me self-confident again.

What would I tell Maddy if I met her? Thank you. Those two words are reloaded with way too much of feel. I wonder if she knows how grateful her fans are. I wonder if I know how grateful she is to us.