Is Madonna's life a revolver? Should we let it bang bang?

People react to my addiction in different ways. Some people reacts to my passion as if it was something evil: wasting money and time and not doing anything really essential (e.g. learn to make good food). I guess I have some simple and deeper reasons to my addictions. Recently I have begun to consider the effect of my parent's divorce: the love I got from my parent's got weaker as they were putting all their energy to mourning and my father's love to me begun to fade little by little. I wonder why fathers seem to become so helpless after a divorce that they don't keep much contact with their children. Anyway, some love was missing and I needed something strong and permanent. It was the year of 1997 when my parents got divorced and 1998 when I discovered Madonna. It took a year to figure out that she was (is) something special and magnificent. In 1999 I was her girl and still am. She has given me love when I needed it the most and less when I didn't. That sounds like a religion again: some people get their extra support from God, some get it from Madonna. Am I wrong?

I feel sad when people take my addiction as something useless and not essential. I think Madonna is extremely essential for my mental life. Some people get happy by making good food, some people feel great by listening/buying/experiencing Madonna. My passion may not be as conductive and useful as some serious life-skills, but I am sure that Madonna has learnt me many lessons about life and myself. She has also got me singing, more artistic, open-minded and happy. What an egocentric passion, isn't it?! You can share your very nice handmade meal with others, but my passion can't be divided. I mean, actually it doesn't go like that, because my friends and acquaintances get much of happiness and energy through my passion. I remember them feeling true happiness when I was the first one on line in Madonna's Helsinki concert, took part in a TV program to compete about Madonna, won any competition about M, did anything wicked and funny Madonna related. The result is that my addiction can be divided just like any other "essential" passion.

I have recorded now five Madonna songs (American Life, Like A Virgin, Don't Tell Me, Live To Tell and You'll See) and I'm very excited about them! I would LOVE to publish them on the internet for curiosity. It's bizarre how much I think about the result when recording. I have been wondering whether to use Madonna's or my own singing style. In the other hand, I would like to re-invent the songs in my style, but then again, I would like to do it like Madonna does. Nevertheless, it's truly hard to step into Madonna's boots as they are deeper than any other's. I chose to put my own tune into the songs and not to copy her in an unsuccessful way. However, no matter I make my own tune, I want to sound little madonnalicious. Who wouldn't?