As you may have seen I have been on a vacation for A WHILE and have not updated my blog. Oh whatever.
Now that I have paid less attention to Madonna on the past few months I have actually moved a lot ahead in my life. I hate the fact that less I pay attention to Madonna more I advance in my own life. I could dedicate my life to Madonna, but that would mean that I would not have anything else than her in my adventures. She has been the reason to why I do certain things for a long time, but now after ten years I have started to think about myself. Is it selfish to think about myself for instance? I guess not. This is what she would want me to do: to make the most of my life. Unfortunately, I am not THAT mad for her that I would give my life to her 100%. Eventually I think there must be very little of fans who do, think, are, listen and act nothing but Madonna.
All this means that from now on I am not thinking about her in the first place. This is painful for me to admit. I have been travelling a lot this summer. I have seen some truly nice Madonna items, but surprisingly I have not felt the inevitable need of buying all that. I feel guilty and disappointed at myself. People then ask me what's wrong with me when I am not buying a magazine only because there's Madonna on its cover. Well... I have started to see things differently. I guess it just would not make a difference whether I buy it or not. Scary, but nowadays it's all about the spirit between Madonna and me. I still go "oh my..." if someone asks me a stupid Madonna question. I still want to keep it all to myself. I still feel guilty not knowing how to dance M's songs. I still walk very proud on the streets knowing that She is my queen. There are none stars who make me feel this honoured and gives me a sort of "big balls"-feeling. Yeah, I still feel like I have the biggest balls on the street when thinking, listening or seeing Madonna. I guess the feeling must be quite mutual among M fans :D
What happened with the "I can spend a month without listening to M's music"? Well, I suppose now having written the previous chapters you may guess I did succeed.
So what is now left with me and Madonna? I got a nice new studying place near to Helsinki and very nice contacts for future. Madonna has been there mentally pushing me to do all this. I could not have done it thinking "I am Madonna, she is me and we are one" so that's why I have to shut that attitude in a box at times. It makes my balls grow too big once in a while and that makes me too self-confident looking bitch. And no one would like to hire a bitch, right? Except if it's Madonna herself.
