When I sing I feel free!

I had to put the Celebration video shooting aside as I realised that I can actually record some Madonna covers on my iMac. I have some instrumental versions. I guess my neighbors will blackmail me when they get tired with my singing sessions... I have to admit that I didn't sound as cool as I had thought with the rap part of American Life. I had always thought that it would be just my thing, but I didn't sound convincing. Is it because I don't have "three nannies, an assistant, a driver and a jet, a trainer and a butler, a bodyguard or five" as the song goes?

I make covers only on the original songs, I don't accept karaoke versions or such, because it would sound too naive. I wish I could put my covers on the internet (http://drownedworld.skyrock.com), but I guess I don't have the right to publish them. I'll just have to burn a few copies to friends.

I got the Celebration cd + dvd from Amazon! Yesterday I also received the Sticky & Sweet tour book 2009 and official calendar (2009)!

Something funny happened on the day the Celebration cd was published in Finland! I went to the department store called Stockmann and if you bought the cd from that place you had also got the Celebration poster. As I had ordered my copy from Amazon, I didn't want to buy it from Stockmann to just get the poster. I gave the salesman a self-confident gaze and opened my mouth. After discussing for 5min about why should I get the poster for free and without buying the cd, he gave the poster to me saying "let's keep it secret". I was so happy. The salesman made my day. Not only because he gave the poster, but he also promised to give the Celebration t-shirt he was wearing. Unbelievable!

There is a Madonna competition on the tv channel MTV3 where you can win a Celebration (special edition) and all Madonna albums, dvd's etc. The special edition is not available on any store all over the world. It is only available on competitions/special cases. Anyway, I took part to the competition and won the Celebration album (no matter I have it already!). We'll see if I win also the special one and all the other albums, books and dvd's (that I have already). Funny! Just can't wait!

Madonna would be surprisingly good for you.

I have never really been into Evita. I have watched the movie for twice, but it has never impressed me even though people speak about its grandeur. I think it's Madonna's best movie and her singing voice is soft and clean, but the film doesn't touch me that much. Nevertheless, yesterday I was listening to Madonna Goom radio on the internet (I discovered the radio for one week ago - it's like made for me!) and they played I'd Be Surprisingly Good for You from Evita soundtrack. I had to stop all I was doing and listen to it carefully. Her singing talent has increased a lot during Evita. That is the time she was constantly taking singing lessons. If you compare Erotica and Ray Of Light by her voice's aspect, you know perhaps what I'm talking about. I love I'd Be Surprisingly Good for You, You Must Love Me and Lament. I mean, on this week I will be listening to Evita more than ever. Madonna surprises me all the time. I discover herself more and more...

People ask me that am I ever getting tired with listening to her music. Usually those people haven't even seen the cover of Bedtime Stories or Erotica album and aren't at all aware of how much music Madonna has recorded... Her music has sold over 200 million copies worldwide. Madonna's music varies album after another: there are sounds for all kinds of feelings: provocative, soft, horny, disco, religious,happy, mysterious, encouraging, teaching... There have been times when I have stopped listening to Madonna for a while. Those moments have taken place usually when I have figured out a new artist such as Lady GaGa or Duffy.

I love making videos on iMac. I got quite enthusiastic with Madonna's Celebration video with all the fans dancing and dressed as M. I love the way M fans get enhustiasted when something like this happens (a new M competition, music video and so on). In Celebration video there is a fan licking a picture of Madonna, a fan carrying a huge cross and "even" men dressed as Madonna. I still haven't found any straight M superfan... Anyway, I really like the video, because of the atmosphere. Those fans are so crazy for her. I want to make a similar video. I'm planning how I should realise it.

Why the most Madonna's male fans are gay? I think it is simply because she is so strong and has more guts than many other artist/woman. She is also very feminine and attractive, but then again, at the same time, masculine. I listened a radio interview on this topic that was recorded on 2008 in San Francisco. Madonna made a conclusion: "if they can't have me, they don't want any woman. No man can have sex with anyone but me... and since I don't have that kind of time in my hands... well they are all gay".

The wicked side of being a fan.

I wonder why talking about Madonna makes me often so narcissistic that I do not want to share any details with other people. I know that sharing is caring, but... One guy just asked me on the internet what are the best Madonna internet pages I know. I felt like something had squeezed my heart. The reason must be that the guy, who by the way "likes" Madonna, would not ever guess how much pain I have put to find my top 5 Madonna sites. I told him few good sites, and few only. I know I can't own Madonna, but sometimes I let people find the answers by themselves so that I would know if they were serious or not. I don't want my knowledge to get wasted with people who don't really care about the answer. For some reason, I never say that face to face with someone who I consider as that kind of person. I guess you know why.

The atmosphere is incredible when M's concert is about to begin. One thing I didn't like about Jätkäsaari (The West Harbour - the place where Madonna performed in Helsinki) was the light. I think the concert should have started after the sunset, because the whole show started with an intro that was built on screen. The intro didn't look as magnificent as it did in Paris in 2008 when it was all dark. I have never seen Madonna doing a show in sunlight. I wonder why she didn't wait for the sunset, because the Sticky & Sweet show includes plenty of visual effects built on screen. In Paris the beginning was clear as all light got quickly switched off, but in Helsinki I didn't notice immediately what happened.

Madonna has a few juicy merchandise that I have problems with: Hard Candy Special Edition with some candies inside and a Confessions Tour Program with stickers (the picture above). We are discussing on Madonna's official fanclub called Icon about whether to eat the candies or use the stickers or not. On the other hand, I would love to eat all the candies and feel so "sticky and sweet", but then again, I can't, because I collect those items and I don't want the items to be incomplete! I think we have no other choice than buy two copies of HC Special Edition!? I would also love to have one Confessions sticker in my wallet. Unfortunately, the sticker page would look stupid with one missing.

I'm already making plans of how my own house would look like. My mother thinks it's unnecessary to save plastic Madonna bags (those I got from tours / collaborations for H&M). She doesn't like to find those among my clothes in the closet. I would like to put the Confessions and Sticky & Sweet plastic bags on my wall one day as well as more cd's and vinyls. The greatest plan I have is to buy a huge Madonna canvas and put it in my living-room. I'm talking about an artistic canvas, not a low-quality one. I would be so happy in my Madonna cave... I can imagine myself sneaking all around kissing the plastic bags wearing a cone bra. How about that?!

Is she a religion?

People often come to ask me what will I do when Madonna dies one day. This is a question they are really eager to hear. Something that has never been asked from her: the trickiest question, the one that pushes the trigger. I felt confused the first time I heard this question: is SHE technically going to die one day? Isn't she immortal? I couldn't answer the question, because I hadn't yet thought about it. Now I can tell that icons aren't actually going to die ever, which is the only true answer one can expect from a true fan. Madonna has grown herself long and powerful roots that have dug deep in the Earth. That is why M isn't going to be washed away.

I get a chance to see her performing live for two hours in two years and I never want to miss those chances. They are extremely important to me. The concerts are moments when I can experience my life in flesh for only two hours. The moments are as holy as going to church is for someone, except you can go to church whenever you want - it's not up to the church. My church isn't open as often as I would like to. My religion is limited.

Fans call their idols gods. I really don't believe in God. He/She is too surreal and difficult to handle. Anyway, I go to church a lot, which is about twice a month, because my friends hang out there. We are able to spend time together in a lot of young people's camps that the church organizes. Isn't that ironic that I go approximately two times per month to the church without actually believing in Him? I have started to think about that even if I live after God's will and still don't believe in The Thing, does it really make me a bad person? I guess it does as I refuse to believe in God. However, I believe in Madonna. She is a true goddess to me. I feel like the concerts are what Mecca gathering is to Islamic people. I believe that we all have the same God after all and we are just analyzing His/Her will differently. Madonna has made me different person compared to what I would be without her. I consider myself as a strong person even if other people tell me every now and then that they find me shy and withdrawn.

It's amazing how she makes me smile again with her music when I'm feeling down. I remember having been super sad and then listening Hung Up. It takes about five minutes to make me self-confident again.

What would I tell Maddy if I met her? Thank you. Those two words are reloaded with way too much of feel. I wonder if she knows how grateful her fans are. I wonder if I know how grateful she is to us.

We are one - don't forget it!

I'm thrilled, because I have ordered unordinarely much of Madonna stuff! Sometimes I feel true need to buy M stuff, 'cause it makes me feel good. I have ordered a Celebration Maxi-single, Jump single, Music promo cd (11 tracks), Give it 2 me-top, M is my homegirl-cap, Confessions poster, Celebration cd+dvd, S&S tour book, 2009 official calendar and Sticky&Sweet book by Guy! I feel happy.

They say material things don't make people happy, but Madonna stuff really does... Money itself doesn't bring happiness, IT'S THE MATERIAL! I often think about why I feel so relieved after having received Madonna items. It feels like I have donated money for a good cause. If we think about the circulation of money, the money goes first to Live Nation (or similar), then Madonna, M's needs and expences. Maybe she will finally donate my money for some good purpose: to Raising Malawi, AIDS, climate change... I am kind of donating coins through Madonna. How weird is that? I let Madonna decide a good target for the money from me. I only wish I wouldn't be financing her and Jesus Luz's honeymoon trips, but I guess I am.

I also find it interesting that I am aware of myself being a part of this huge business called Madonna. She is the poison flower and we silly fans have become addicted to that poison. I know how hard it is to my mother to understand why I need copies of the same cd. Let's take American Life, for instance. I bought the ordinary version of it on the 24th April 2004. After that I also bought also the limited one. I have from 3 to 4 different versions of Confessions On A Dancefloor. Each one of them made me feel satisfied. Last week my mother was more or less angry about the Celebration hit collection cd. The cd collection includes songs that I have already heard and have them on my collection. But it is not the same thing. This was also a difficult thing for my boyfriend to understand.

Guess what I do with all those comments? I laugh. I am having fun with my collection. I think it's hilarious to buy the Celebration collection even if I have the songs on original albums, singles, maxi singles etc... It makes me feel like a real, special fan that is hard to find. Madonna fans are rare, unique. Every sort of fan is unique no matter who or what they admire. We M fans have our own kind of society. When being at a Madonna concert, I feel a strong feeling of togetherness. Like Madonna once said in a concert in Amsterdam: "we are one, don't forget it". That makes me think about the Madonna being a center of business-idea again. She makes sure we are religiously addicted to her. Am I getting crazy?

Now I have counted my Madonna audio stuff together and the total is 114! It's a celebration! How could I describe this feeling? I win. It doesn't really make me feel down if someone questions my addiction. It's just unfriendly to comment my passion negatively trying to make me feel unarmed. I always comment on the unnecessary notes always with a simple light sentence not to excite them. It's very stupid to say to me "Madonna is an old disrespectful woman. Her music and existence means nothing to me. She should die away" I can't believe that even my dearest friends have said that in front of my face. Can I still call them "the dearest ones"? I have to admit that in that situation I may feel unarmed as it comes from my friend's mouth.